one of one billion

I am a vegetarian because a boy whose last name I do not know told me I didn't have a choice about what happened to my body. I suppose I wanted to feel like I did have a choice about what happened to my body, so eliminating an entire food group from my diet felt like a good way to start. I didn't tell anybody what happened to me because I was not the kind of girl things like that happen to: I wasn't pretty, I wasn't flirty, I wasn't drunk or damaged or doomed. so instead I cried a lot and avoided people who loved me and clung desperately to a dating relationship that had clearly run its course. it was not a good time in my life.  it is a miracle that I graduated from college.

things got worse, then they got better. I found an amazing therapist and did some hard work in my life. I met eric and got married. our courtship is crazy-looking from the outside, I know, but it was healthy and safe and whole and exactly what I needed. the hard stuff faded as the good stuff kept growing. the vegetarianism stuck. the reasons shifted some (health, environmental responsibility, frugality) but the core of legalism is surely still there. I like rules, especially when I am feeling out of control.

I have always been determined to disassociate myself from words like "rape, victim, survivor." my story is not a soundbite, nor is it a definition of who I am. and I am not a statistic, either. but when I look at the numbers, it is impossible not to categorize myself. one in three women will experience sexual assault in her lifetime. it is a guarantee that you know someone who has experienced this kind of abuse. and here I am on the other side of those someones.

but even if I am a "one of three," I am more importantly a "one of one billion." one billion rising is the campaign that says enough is enough. we can rise in solidarity for all those other "one in threes." we can stand together to say violence against women, against ANYONE, is not okay. that safety is worth fighting for. last month I stood on stage with 16 other women to say just that. I wore a red feather boa to say that there is no "kind of girl" that assault happens to. I stepped up to the microphone as Woman #3 to say that I am brave because we have to be brave together. because we can be so much braver together. and people laughed because it is funny to talk about vaginas and people cried because it is sad to think about people hurting so very much, but both are good responses. sometimes it takes one response to get to the other.

I am honored to be in these photos. I am thankful to be surrounded by so much grace and beauty and strength. I pray that no one else ever has to become a "one in three." but I want us all to be "one of one billion."