jamin does not know much about star wars at all, but first grade boys (especially those of a certain nerdy disposition, which includes all first grade boys we happen to know) are supposed to love star wars. until about a week ago jamin insisted I was wrong in correcting him when he talked about "dark vader." he has checked out every book our library has about star wars (he hasn't even bothered to as about watching the actual movies. in fact I am not sure he even knows that movies are the starting point on this one.) rabbit gave him a bunch of little lego guys earlier in this summer, before school started and before he knew that star wars knowledge was a necessary part of his new social life.) they were sort of background accessories until someone happened to mention (I don't know who to blame for that one) that he had several star wars guys in the group. these newfound talismans were rotated into regular play, but even they had taken a back seat in the past few weeks as some new recess game emerged at school that involved neither light sabers or death stars.until it was time for jamin's share day. then the lego yoda was mandatory. except no one could find him.
that morning at breakfast when jamin realized it might be his share day and that he real REALLY need to take yoda, he and cora tried to remember yoga's last appearance. they had already found yoga's little lego body. it was only his super teeny lego head that was missing now. "cora had him on the deck," they decided and bundled up as a team to check outside. they looked on the deck, on the railings, then ran down into the yard to check the grass underneath. no yoda. lots of tears.
not having what he need for share (this cool thing! this thing that other kids would know and recognize and like!) quickly morphed into not wanting to go to school at all, a puddle of a boy on the kitchen floor while cora and I looked at each other sort of helplessly. after much reassuring and lots of attempts at problem-solving, we managed to get into the car with the promise of a fact-finding mission at o.p. taylor's after school. and it didn't feel like bribing, this promise of a toy store run. this might be the first time it felt like jamin and I really were working together to figure something out, a big something, something I was trying to value as much as he did while still keeping it in perspective. and it worked.
we went to o.p. taylor's, both of us shocked by price tags and the realm of lego possibilities. (you cannot buy just a lego yoda guy, in case you were wondering. he only comes as part of sets that start at $20. and I don't think I mentioned our particular yoda was wearing a santa outfit? I cannot explain this at all.) he didn't have the money, I wasn't willing to splurge, but even that turned out okay. he got it. we talked about saving up, but that wouldn't happen in time for his share (which had now been postponed an extra day). it was disappointing and hard, but he settled on building something lego-based of his own and saving up for yoda for his next share day. and that was that.
yoga's head became huge in my head. this was make-or-break parenting right here, and we got it right. somehow jamin and I figured this one out together, and it just…worked. major victory for us both in lots of ways. now that jamin is in school I remember it all so much clearer, how hard it is to be a kid. I remember being panicky at night before bed simply because I had to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. I remember the tears when new projects were assigned, a combination of excitement at the newness and overwhelmedness at the daunting task ahead. I remember never feeling like I was doing things right, be it academically or socially, always being slightly confused about what the "right" thing really was. I have to keep reminding myself that jamin is not me, even if he is very much like me sometimes, and that he is living his own reality, no matter how much of myself I can see in his face. it is hard to watch him do it, to remember it and want to fix it and still just have to watch it unfold on its own. but something about it all is working. and I like it.so saturday I was sweeping and there it was, right there where jamin and cora said it should be. I might have already had a beer and a half by then, and I might have fist pumped and announced to the neighborhood in a rather loud voice that I was the best mom ever. even though it was pure chance that I was the one that found sweet little yoga's head, the victory felt well-earned. and jamin, hearing my proclamation, came running and quickly agreed with my assessment. and that was the biggest victory of all.
maybe there is something to that yoda wisdom after all. I guess when we all sit down to watch the movies together in five more years, I'll know for sure.
No comments:
Post a Comment