june 21, 1975

solstice is a great day to get married. what great symbolism there is in choosing the day with the most light available to us to begin a life together. the longest day of the year is a perfect time to repeat vows about forever. I am willing to bet that my parents weren't thinking about the earth's rotation on its axis on this day forty years ago. those two teenagers were only thinking of each other when they grinned their way down the aisle of a baptist church in downtown atlanta. they had to hurry, after all, since my dad's dad had sworn he would only wear a tuxedo for twenty minutes exactly, threatening to disrobe right there in the church if things took too long. he is dressed in all the wedding photos, so they must have made it out in time.

forty years is forever, I'm pretty sure. my parents have been married twice as long as they were single. when someone asks how long my parents have been married my mom will always give the number of years and quickly add "but we were born married," lest someone should think her older than she is. I am sure that is how it must feel to not really remember life any other way than being married. my parents came of age together, putting each other through college in what they call their five year date: those early years of marriage before kids were born.

I have really great parents (professional parents, really: people who get paid to raise other people's children), and one of the best things my parents ever did for me was love each other. of course they loved me, too, but it was always clear to me that they loved each other first, that loving each other best made more room for them to love me more. the idea that love doesn't make mathematical sense was an early lesson in my childhood. I can remember rolling my eyes when my mom would say "do you know that your mom loves your dad?" and now I see how important that really was (and is) for me to know. I tell my kids the same thing. they haven't started rolling their eyes yet, but I know it's coming.

my parents' marriage has always been a very public practice. when we lived in the group home, their marriage was the only successful partnership most kids had ever seen. later they taught parenting classes and led workshops on healthy family life. you can't take on a career choice like that without expecting a little scrutiny. my dad especially loved to invite people in just to let them see our family in action. there was always someone coming to supper or sitting on a corner of the couch, just being a part of whatever was going on. people have always been drawn to my parents, not because they throw lavish parties or because they have a huge tv, but because they are nice to be around. they like each other and that leaves room for them to like other people, too.

forty years is plenty of time to put marriage vows to the test. my parents have been through hurricanes (they seem to attract big storms like no one else I know), teenagers (their own and dozens of others, too), big moves and job changes, babies and grandbabies, chainsaw accidents and kidney stones, marrying off a couple of daughters, house remodels, deaths of their own parents, a dog who ate dishtowels, crazy family vacations, and lots and lots of ups and downs that I will never know about. and yet here it is, the longest day of the year again, and they are still waking up right beside each other.

happy happy anniversary, mom and dad. thank you for setting the example, loving each other first, and still having plenty of love to spread around. thank you for choosing each other over and over and over. your marriage is a gift, not only to each other, but to me and carey and eric and kyle and jamin and cora and eliza. and hundreds and hundreds of other lives that have looked to the two of you to see how good married life can be. thank you for teaching all of us what love looks like so that we can love you right back.

ps-since this is the most recent picture of all of us together that I can find, carey and I (and kyle and eric, too) would like to honor you and celebrate your forty years together by having kaelee denise photography capture all that love in a photo session for our entire family this fall. a trip to the mountains is in your future!